HOW TO PREVENT THE BLESSING OF HAVING A CORE VALUE OF SERVICE FROM BECOMING A CURSE

It’s been my absolute pleasure to work with clients, who have being of service as one of their core values.  It’s not unusual to find them flying around in their capes rescuing people from all kinds of distress, being there for people without being asked, showing up for people at just the right time, and knowing what people need before they themselves even know.  Those with this core value are usually empaths so they easily intuit exactly what others need and have the biggest hearts you can imagine.  

The risk of endangering your well-being

Unfortunately, people with this core value often run the risk of giving to such an extreme as to endanger their own wellbeing.  Consequently, I have found it very helpful to explore both boundary-setting and making sure this value isn’t being used to avoid their own issues.  It’s wonderful to be of service, it’s okay to be sacrificial, but not to the point of your peril or to avoid doing your inner work. 

Discern your needs from your wants

A red flag is when you start to sacrifice or compromise your needs.  Your needs are an integral part of who you are.  When you compromise them you are compromising yourself, which is unhealthy.  When done to an extreme it can leave you feeling overlooked, unseen, unheard, unappreciated, undervalued, and even unloved.  It’s fine to compromise, but compromise your wants not your needs.  The only way to be able to do that is to discern your needs from your wants.  As their coach, I make sure to take these dear people of service through some of the same exercises I teach in my workshops and classes to help them learn how to do this.    

So, what’s my point?  To all of you out there flying around in your rescue capes because being of service is one of your core values; hooray and God Bless You!  But remember three things:

1. Don’t be of service to the point of endangering your emotional wellbeing in any way
2. Know and honor your boundaries by discerning your needs from your wants as you give
3. Don’t be of service as a means of avoiding your issues.

One last note: having being of service, as a core value is a beautiful gift.  Give it, but give it wisely.  Be very, very careful about what and who you‘re willing to be of service to.  You can be readily taken for granted, taken advantage of, and even abused living in your heart space as you so often do. 

Do you find yourself giving more than you think is healthy?  Are you finding yourself feeling resentful because you give far more than you receive? If so, you may benefit from some healthy boundary setting and guidance in discerning your needs from your wants. Schedule your FREE EXPLORATORY SESSION here.  I promise, there will be no hard sell.  I have no personal attachment to the outcome of our conversation beyond your feeling better for our having had it. For more information about living authentically, click here and get your FREE copy of my “GUIDE TO AUTHENTIC LIVING: Ten Things People Who Live Authentically Know And Do…And So Can You.”