EXPOSING THE UGLY SIDE OF SELF CARE

Self-care is a term that has been around the coaching industry for a long, long time.  It’s now become popular in general circles, but what does it really mean?

I can tell you it is more than manicures, pedicures, massages, and/or treating yourself to something pretty, new, or special.  While it may include all of the above, it is also way, way more and much, much deeper. 

It Can Be An Unattractive and Uninviting

Self-care can be a very unattractive and uninviting endeavor. It’s more about investing in your long-term wellness than a temporary escape.  It ‘s spending a Saturday (or perhaps many) going over your financial situation and making a plan to get out of debt instead of shopping to feel better.  It’s going out of your way to purchase fresh, healthy groceries, which cost more (bang goes the money for the manicure) and don’t last as long as processed chemically laden fake foods, so it’s also shopping at least twice a week.  It’s spending the time to cook those foods.  It’s removing toxic people from your life because they’re unhealthy for you no matter how much you love them.  It’s less about escaping from the rigors of a difficult day, month, or life, and more about creating a life you don’t want or need to escape from.  

It is Gentle Kind and Loving

Self-care is being gentle, kind, and loving to and with you. That is the only way you can be authentically gentle, kind, and loving to others.  It’s making time to do your inner work, periodically re-examining your life and letting go of what no longer works for you, and making way for what does.  Much like you do with your wardrobe from time to time.  It’s setting and maintaining effective boundaries to protect you, no matter how uncomfortable they are for others…Ever stop someone who is in the middle of telling a biased, raciest, sexist, or in any way offensive joke? That’s self-care.  It doesn’t always make you popular, it isn’t always pretty, but it makes you healthy.  

Self-care is caring for you the way you would want a loved-one to care for you.  It’s less about treating yourself and more about parenting yourself and recognizing that bubble baths, and spa days are about enjoying life, not escaping from it. 

Self-care is being conscious of your self-talk, even in jest.  Statements like, “I am so fat, I hate how I look, I am too old,” and “I will never learn this” are off limits in the face of self-care.  (And it means I need to stop jokingly referring to myself as Nana when I feel old and tired.)

Self-care is saying no, kindly, but firmly, when it’s in your best interest to do so, instead of saying yes, — then resenting yourself and whomever you said yes to, as you go about doing what you agreed to do, –begrudgingly.  It’s about disappointing some, and making sacrifices for others.  It’s not about being selfish, but self-fulfilled, knowing and understanding the difference, and recognizing that you can’t give from an empty cup.  It’s about respecting your time, your space, and yourself.

This isn’t How We Were Raised

We aren’t taught how to practice self-care growing up, especially as women.  Usually we are taught being polite means putting others before ourselves and making ourselves expendable.  And, in some instances that’s necessary and even appropriate, but not constantly, consistently and not when the cost is always you: your joy, your peace, your satisfaction, your time, your energy, etc.

Like any other practice of authenticity, establishing good self-care begins with knowing who you are, what you need versus what you want because needs are non-negotiable, wants are a little more so.  It’s having great clarity about what your values are so you can align those values with your boundaries, your goals, your relationships, and your decisions…your life.

So why bother?  While some aspects of practicing self-care can be difficult, challenging and just plain hard, it results in a much more authentically fulfilling, successful, and happy life filled with healthy enduring relationships.  I’d say that makes it well worth it.

Taking Care of YOU

If you’d like to get some help learning what self-care means specifically for YOU, schedule your FREE EXPLORATORY SESSION here.  I promise, there will be no hard sell.  I have no personal attachment to the outcome of our conversation beyond your feeling better for our having had it. For more information about living authentically, click here and get your FREE copy of my “GUIDE TO AUTHENTIC LIVING: Ten Things People Who Live Authentically Know And Do…And So Can You.”