WHY LEARNED LESSONS KEEP COMING BACK

How many times have you recognized a pattern of situations or circumstances showing up in your life then made up your mind to do the work necessary to eliminate those patterns?  Pleased with yourself, you move on thinking, “Lessons learned, changes made, that will never happen to me again.” 

This happened to my client, Diane, who had to resign from her job as an attorney. Her boss was a chronic bully.  “It wasn’t sexism,” she explained, “She was a woman and just a mean bully.”  Diane, a middle-aged, Ivy-league-educated professional with plenty of solid legal experience, couldn’t do anything right according to her boss, and even when she did, this woman found a way to make it wrong.

Patterns As Eye-openers

Early in our coaching relationship, Diane began to recognize that much of her ex-husband’s behavior had been subtle bullying and that she grew up with a father who, though he didn’t bully her, bullied her mother.  We worked on how and why she seemed to attract bullies and formulated ways to handle such situations.  

She felt the work we did had put an end to this pattern and-BAM!  Fresh out of the gate, another bully showed up in the form of an executive recruiter.  “Why can’t I get this right,” Diane wailed at our next session.  “What is WRONG with ME?  I did all the work, made so many changes - what happened?” 

I explained that she was overlooking the fact that this was the first time she had ever recognized bullying the instant it took place.  She used the tools to handle it skillfully and ran like a bat out of you-know-where (meaning she ended the meeting and refused to have anything to do with the recruiter again) and she did it automatically without having to think about it meaning it was an authentic response all very clear indications of success.  “You need to give yourself credit for what you have accomplished,” I told her.  “But what good is it if I keep attracting bullies: I mean, why would I even draw this to me again?” she groaned.

This AGAIN

 “LESSONS REPEAT AS NEEDED.”  I told Diane that even though she knew what to do and handled the situation perfectly, perhaps she needed to have the experience to see just how much she had learned and that she could, indeed, take care of herself in instances of bullying.  “Think of it as the Universe giving you a final exam,” I said.  “It may happen again and again, to show you how far you’ve come in your ability to handle such situations more and more easily, until you don’t even notice you’re doing it,” I said, “And sometimes lessons repeat to ask if you’re really, really sure you want this change you’re embarking upon.”  Diane came to see the reoccurrence of this lesson, not as a reflection of failure, but of the growth she was making.  It wasn’t too long after that when we had moved on to something else, that she realized that months had gone by and no bullies had crossed her path.

The important thing is to remember that growth isn’t linear and LESSONS REPEAT AS NEEDED, it may be the same lesson, but WHAT it comes to teach may have changed.

 Lessons Repeat As Needed

If you find yourself repeatedly in the same types of situations you no longer want in your life, a little exploration of your patterns and what they are attracting may be helpful.  Schedule your FREE EXPLORATORY SESSION here.  I promise, there will be no hard sell.  I have no personal attachment to the outcome of our conversation beyond your feeling better for our having had it. For more information about living authentically, click here and get your FREE copy of my "GUIDE TO AUTHENTIC LIVING: Ten Things People Who Live Authentically Know And Do…And So Can You."